Burn! Burn! Burn!

Today I am feeling much better [cough! cough!].  The catering gig yesterday was a huge success.  I think I might even have a few referrals from it.  I was really worried about everything turning out okay.  I don't know why I worry, but sometimes I do.  Everyone raved over the food.   I was worried that there wouldn't be enough, but there were actually leftovers (which I packaged up for the customer).  Except for the cheese ~ the cheese practically vaporized.  Seems that the Graduation was at 1:30, requiring the Graduate and all of her family to get there by 11:30, which meant that no one ate lunch and were starving by the time they arrived.

Fortunately, the Mushroom Lasagna, Pastitsio, Polenta, Chicken Rollotini, and Salad were already prepared and just had to be set up.  I wish I had pictures of the Lasagna plated.  It looks so pretty with the white rows of cheese. 

It's always surprising how well Polenta is received.  It's such a simple food - basically corn meal mush - it's a staple in the Mediterranean.  It takes on other flavors so well.  You can make it sweet like a dessert (or more like Malt-O-Meal).  But I make mine with chicken broth, cream, garlic, basil and parmesan cheese.  Everyone says, "Mmmmmmm, what IS this?"   The customer didn't even know I was bringing Polenta.  But they didn't seem too upset about it.  I told her to take the cold leftovers, cut it into triangles and sautee them in olive oil for breakfast.  And serve with a fried egg on top.  Yum.

And I'll bet you were wondering, from the Title of this post, what it was that I burned.  I didn't.  Not yet.  Tonight I am going to burn some Bad Memories, some Loose Ends, some Lingering Dread, and some Nagging Doubts, in the fire pit in my back yard.  I'm hoping the Gods will send some good Karma in exchange for my offerings.  It's worked in the past.  FUP's Beware!  There's a full moon out tonight (that's a photo I took of the full moon).

I hate being Sick!

A couple days ago my throat started itching. I blamed it on Allergies, even though I've never really had Allergies. It's never too late to start, right?

Then yesterday my head started stopping up, and I thought, "Hmmmmm, runny nose is part of allergies, right?"

But then last night, my throat felt like I had gargled with gasoline (not that I've ever tried this, but I can imagine). My head was totally stopped up, and I felt like dog doo. I'm thinking now that instead of allergies, I have a cold or a flu. To make matters worse, Aunt Flo is visiting and not being a good house guest at all. I don't really remember even falling asleep. But I MUST have fallen asleep because I do distinctly remember being woken up at 1:30 a.m. by Mickey, who couldn't sleep and wanted someone to chat with.

After I put a pillow over my head and did my best to ignore Mickey, he got up and went into the living room. Lola went with him and asked to be let outside. Mickey said she ran around the back yard in the dark, ears flopping, with her unusual dopey lope. Then she scratched to be let back inside, went into the living room, squatted and peed a small river.

From my bedroom in the back of the house with a pillow still over my head, I can hear Mickey screaming and cussing and yelling to me that Lola had peed in the living room. I ignore this, too. For once, he can deal with the dogs, because after all, he apparently doesn't want to sleep and I, at this point, desperately need to sleep.

He put her in her crate. When I woke this morning at 9:00 a.m., the phone was ringing off the wall and Lola is whimpering to be let out.

Another day begins.

Our Little Boy Turns 2 Today!

 Two years ago today, Gunny was born.  Mickey went to the Breeder in College Station and there were 2 puppies left - a male and a female.  The Breeder said that the Female was the "pick of the litter" because she had good markings.  But when Mickey took the Female out of the crate, she was running around, digging and snapping and acting just generally crazy.  And there was Gunny, sleeping like a little Angel.

So Mickey picked Gunny instead.  We got him for a STEAL at $800.  And as soon as he made it home, Gunny began running around, digging and snapping and acting just generally crazy.  Seems he was just faking it for the viewers, as he had no doubt seen this work for the previous puppies who left to good homes.  He was a deceptively cute little puppy, but as soon as anyone reached out to pet him or pick him up, he would claw and bite with his razor sharp little teeth.  We began referring to him as our Pet Alligator.

The second day we had him he became sick and lethargic with a fever.  So we took him to the vet and, $400 later, found out that he had swallowed a rock.

At two months old, he began having oozing and bleeding skin rashes all over his body.  It took four months of treatments before the Demedex finally cleared up.  Seems that because he is a purebreed and also because he's white, he's very prone to sicknesses due to a naturally low immune system. 

At nine months old he began limping and then the limping became worse, to the point where he was holding up his left hind leg and trying to run on it.  Poor guy.  He had torn his ACL - an injury usually attributed to playing sports.  But in Gunny's case, we attribute it to him running around and generally acting crazy.  $1,500 and a surgery later, the leg is fixed, permanently.  We hope.

About the time Gunny turned a year old, we got his testicles removed (see photo left).  "They" had become somewhat problematic, in that Gunny was an aggressive "bully" to begin with.  But when I tried to get him into Doggy Daycare at the Pet Resort, he was expelled, with the suggestion that we should consider getting him neutered, because "Gunny was running and then ramming his body into the other dogs and humping all of them."  Oh, Gunny.    Incidentally, despite us getting his evil balls removed, the Pet Resort still wouldn't let him back into Daycare.  Apparently he made quite an impression.

Within a week of the ball removal surgery, I decided that it was now or never that we should get him a playmate.  Mickey and I really like Blue, James' Great Dane.  So I checked out some Great Dane breeders and found Lola, a female Blue Harlequin with beautiful hazel eyes.   I was really worried at first about Gunny brutalizing her and had to introduce them with Gunny on a leash for about 4 days.  Eventually I let them "play" together, which consisted of Lola taking off running and Gunny knocking her over, repeatedly.  But eventually Lola got big and big enough to take care of herself (which was the rationale for getting a BIG dog in the first place).  And now they love each other and are BFF.

And Gunny is a grown "man" now.  He no longer snaps when someone tries to pet him (although I am convinced he would EAT anyone who attempted to break into our home or hurt me, Mickey or Lola).  He's no longer an Alligator.  He's our sweet Gunny.  Happy Birthday Big Boy!  We love you.

How NOT to get a Man

Dating after Divorce entails a few more challenges, than it did back when you were young and single.

If you have children, you have to not only consider their welfare and well-being, but also ensure that your children can like and get along with the Candidate, but also that the Candidate can like and get along with your kids.  Add to this dynamic, HIS children and HIS ex-wife, and it can get very complicated.

And sadly, if you are a woman, you have an age bias with which to deal.  Older men still, with some exceptions, like younger women.  So in dating men your own age, there is a lot of competition.  Which is not to say that it can't happen.  I'm four years older than Mickey, after all.

But even with these above mentioned odds, some women go a few steps farther in ensuring that they will NEVER find another man of their own.    These are instances that I have witnessed.   Some examples are downright crazy and defy all forms of common sense.

1. DO NOT tell your Candidate of three months, that you are still in Love with your ex-husband, and that if not for his big-breasted Barbie Whore wife, you and he would still be together;
2. DO NOT borrow your Candidate's vehicle while he works (for free) to repair your broken vehicle, and then take HIS vehicle to the airport to hook up some other new Candidate that you met on the Internet  And if you do this, by all means, do not leave your airport parking voucher in his car;
3. DO NOT tell a Candidate during the first date, that he, being seven years older than you, is "the oldest guy I've ever dated.";
4. DO NOT, when you sleep over at a Candidate's house and he leaves in the morning to fetch donuts for you, rummage through his drawers and closets and snoop through his computers.   And if you DO this, DO NOT confront him about what you found on his computer.  And if you do that, DO NOT act surprised when he physically throws your ass out of his home and threatens to get a restraining order against you;
5. DO NOT, after only one date with a Candidate, put your teen-aged daughter in the car with you and drive-by his home when he is not there, pull in his driveway, get out of your car and go peek inside all of the windows.  This is called Trespassing.  His neighbors will report your unlawful activity and he will threaten you with a restraining order if you ever come near his home again;

One would think these "tips" would go without saying.  But, unfortunately, these instances are all true.

A Day in My Life

SOMETIMES I leave out (of these posts), the fact that I live a freaking FABULOUS life.

I can't complain, but sometimes I do.  Just for fun.  But even though I suffer some minor irritations and road bumps, when I lump everthing together as a whole, I have been very LUCKY and BLESSED.   [as witnessed by the fact that Mickey, laying a few feet away from me, just blurted, out of nowhere, "I love you Pammy."  He's so sweet.]

THURSDAY of this week, my Darling husband, decided that "his baby" really needs and deserves a new Land Rover.  I must admit, I liked my old Acadia.  It was only two years old and still drove like brand new.  And after I washed it, it still looked like a brand new car.  The only problem with it was that I had put a ridiculous amount of miles on it during the two years I spent driving 3 hours a day for [that company that will remain nameless].

MICKEY said that he loves me and that I deserve it.  And he wants to give it to me for an early birthday present.  So we spent 3.5 hours of our lives (that we will NEVER get back) going through the motions of negotiating with the Terrorists Sales guys at the car dealership.  And then we drove off of the lot with a $65,000 stunning vehicle.

THEN, (it gets better, if that's even possible) the next day Mickey and I drove to the sprawling, beautiful home of some good friends of ours for a Casino party.  There was a live DJ and karaoke, catered food, dancing, lots of alcohol, pool, roulette and Blackjack Tables.

NOW, I don't normally gamble.  It just seems so unfairly weighted.  I don't enjoy wasting money.  But since we were sponsors, we (Mickey and I) were given $5,000 to start.  $5,000.  So on the first role my number AND color came up on the roulette wheel.  So my first $100 win was 35/1.  So I made $3,400 the first time on the table.  After that, I rarely lost.  Until I had over $50,000 in chips.  But I decided to keep playing.  And then Mickey joined me and we ended up $28,000 positive.

Not a bad way to end a night.  And a weekend.

I love being Me.

Those last 5 pounds

In my ongoing pursuit of the abolition of those resillient extra five pounds, I think I've hit a plateau.   It took Mickey pointing out to me, that, "You barely eat any food."  It hadn't occurred to me.  I think I eat when I am hungry.  But maybe 1,500 calories a day isn't enough food for someone who does an hour of cardio a day.  Maybe I've jacked up my metabolism.  It's difficult to force yourself to eat MORE food when you're trying to lose weight.  I'm munching on a turkey and swiss on wheat with Baconnaise as I type.

Yesterday at the gym, one of the gym rats approached me (I wanted to add that I don't voluntarily strike up conversations with people at the gym ~ I'd rather be left alone.  But I digress.) and said, "Wow, you do a LOT of cardio.  What do you run?  About 8 miles?" 

"It seems like 8 miles," I said.  "But I think it's closer to 5." 

What does it mean when complete strangers are worried about the amount of cardio I'm doing?

Regardless, cardiovascular health is the least of my issues.  I have the heart and circulatory system of a 12 year old boy (not a 12 year old who sits and plays video games all day, either).  Now if only all of this hard work will kick in and result in some Lean and Mean...

I'm going to get that tattoo, dammit!  Three weeks to go.

On Mother's Day

I reflect today on how having James in my life has made me a better person.

Having him made me want to grow up and be someone that he could depend on.  I floundered some, made some bad choices, but also made mostly good choices.  It wasn't easy, but parenting under any circumstance isn't easy.

Having him made me understand the true meaning of Love and Life.  Watching him grow into the Man he became has made me very proud.

And here he is, my Little Boy, all grown up.

Sounding Off

Or more aptly put, "Things that Irk the Shit out of Me."   Why?  Because this is MY blog and I CAN.  Hah, Hah, Hahhhhhh!!!!


People who Walk SLOW in Crowds
Don't you realize that moving quickly creates momentum and actually makes moving easier?  While you slowly meander to wherever the fuck it is that you are NOT in a hurry to get to, the rest of us are stuck behind your slow ass.  How is it possible to walk that slow?  Are you on drugs?  Walk faster or move to the side.  Or I might succumb to my urge to tackle you.


Dorks in the Gym
You know who you are.  You don't actually go there to work out.  You go there to:  1) scam on chicks; 2) scam on dudes; 3) get away from your spouse.  But whatever your reasoning, it is NOT to get fit and healthy.  How do I know?  Trust me, I do.  If you are wearing the same black socks that you wore all day to work, except with orthopedic sneakers, and your shirt is tucked into your khaki shorts WITH A BELT, you are not there to work out.  If you wear gloves to walk on the treadmill, you are NOT there to work out.  If you wear your Folex to the gym, you are NOT there to work out.  If you apply make-up BEFORE you go to the gym, you are NOT there to work out.  If you see me running at warp speed on the treadmill, do NOT try to talk to me.  I am working out. 


People selling vacuum cleaners at my home
I have a vacuum cleaner.  In fact, I have two.  If I need a vacuum cleaner, I will come to you.  Or better yet, I will go to the store.  Or I will go online and buy one.  There is no such thing as a "free carpet cleaning."  Do not insult my intelligence.  Do not think you can come into my home and case out the joint.  My dogs will EAT you.  Go away.


Screaming Kids
Screaming kids in general, but screaming kids in public places make me want to beat the shit out of their parents.  Do you hear that screaming?   It's your kid.  Just because you're numb on valium doesn't mean the rest of us are.  Our parents' generation believed in corporal punishment and we all survived.   No child ever died from their parents threatening to rip their arms off.  I suggest you try it.  Or maybe I should just slash your tires.


Religious Nuts
 I respect your right to practice whatever crazy beliefs to which you choose to subscribe.  Please respect MY rights to NOT subscribe to your beliefs.  In other words, if you don't thump your Bible, I won't kick you in the crotch.  Fair enough?




Thank you and have a nice day.

Excuses, Excuses!

I'm never rude to other people about their weight.  I don't call people names for being fat.  Quite honestly, I feel it's none of my business.  If you are happy and content with whatever weight you are at, it is not my place to judge and I respect your right to live your life however you choose.

HOWEVER, once you start volunteering excuses for why you can't lose weight that you WANT TO LOSE, I think you open yourself up for a little constructive criticism.

In a past life I worked as a Personal Trainer and I've learned a few things about losing weight.  For starters, the Laws of Thermodynamics apply to everyone, including you.  This law is pretty simple, in that, in layman's terms, it just means that if you burn more calories than you consume, you will lose weight.  There are a few factors that can affect this equation, like metabolism, genetic predisposition and, in very rare instances, thyroid problems.

I've outlined a few actual excuses I have heard, and added what I think is the obvious solution:

1.  "I don't have time to exercise."
Answer:  I call Bullshit on this one.  But whatever - if you don't want to make time to exercise, then start eating like a supermodel.  Cut out all LDL fats, refined sugars and simple carbs from your diet.  Keep your caloric intake under 1,200 calories.

2.  "I have an old injury that prevents me from exercising."
Answer:  Again, I call Bullshit.  If you can walk, you can exercise.  If you're in a walker or a wheelchair, do some upper body exercises.  If you're neither in a walker or a wheelchair, and it hurts to do a specific activity, find another activity to do.  Elliptical machines are zero impact and most people can do them.  And they burn a lot of calories in a relatively short period of time.  And if you just don't like to exercise, stop blaming it on your injuries.  See Item #1, and "start eating like a supermodel."

3.  "I can't afford to go on a diet."
Answer:  Really?!!!  How is that even possible?  Eating LESS food is really costing you money?  Bullshit.

4.  "I'm a picky eater."
Answer:  Then don't eat.  Because that Pepperoni Pizza, Cheeseburger, French Fry, "little kid" diet that you're eating is killing you.  I've noticed a common theme among self-proclaimed "picky eaters," in that they have no qualms with eating junk food.  Vegetables are your friends and are very tasty when prepared right.  Just say "No!" to McDonald's.  And call your parents up and yell at them for not teaching you better eating habits.

5.  "I have a thyroid problem."
Answer:  Really?  You've been DIAGNOSED by a physician as having a thyroid problem?  Or you diagnosed yourself?  If you diagnosed yourself, then get in to see a doctor and have THEM confirm your suspicions.  If you really do have a thyroid problem, medication and/or treatments can fix that.  Stop dallying - your health is at risk.

6.  "I have a slow metabolism."
Answer:  You're right,  you do.  And it's all your own fault.  Your lethargic lifestyle, poor eating habits and yo-yo diets have jacked up your metabolism.  Go get yourself a book that explains the Food Pyramid.  Start eating healthy.  Drink more water.  Become more active.  Voila!  Metabolism is FIXED.

7.  "I'm an Emotional Eater."
Answer:  Someone said this to my husband and I laughed when he told me.  Cry me a river.  If your argument is that you have no control over what and how much food you cram into your own mouth and then swallow, then book yourself several months worth of psychological counseling.  Go fix what's broken in your head, before you do irrepairable harm to your body, and teach your children your idiotic eating habits, too.