Mooches

I know I've posted about this before, but it's worth reiterating, since it seems to have escalated.

My Husband attracts parasitic mooches in droves.  I don't know what it is about him that a predatorial gold digger can smell him from miles away.  EVERYWHERE he goes, people are asking him for loans or gifts or expecting him to fund their retarded "business" ventures. 

Just recently the Texas Rangers won their pennant and he got hit up by a dozen people for World Series Tickets.  Keep in mind, Mickey does not work for TicketMaster or the Texas Rangers.  These people expect him to buy THEM tickets to the World Series.  WTF?!!!  Who asks for shit like this?  World Series tickets are about $600 each.  The list of beggars includes:  neighbors, Mickey's family members (all of them), co-workers, clients, and scumbags at the GYM.

This is in addition to the regular incidences of just being hit up directly for cash.

I just don't get why people feel they are entitled to even a piece of OUR money.  What happened to Pride or Shame?  It pisses me off, really.  And it makes me want to move far away to a remote locale with lots of acreage and growing a garden and buying a cow for milk, and no telephones, just so we can have some peace.

And here's a concept:  BUY YOUR OWN FUCKING WORLD SERIES TICKETS!!!!!!!!

Freaking Out!!!

The wedding is in 3 days.  Actually it's 2:00 on Saturday.  Only I'll be there at noon until 5:00.  It's been a long time since I worked a job that required me to be gone for most of the day.

I wish I could have my bottom round roast tomorrow instead of Friday.  Tomorrow is Turkey Day, then.  In the morning I will stuff my prepared herb marinade under the skin of 4 turkeys.  During the day I will boil the pasta and then soak it in rice wine vinegar.  Some time tomorrow I have to go to the Facility and check it out and get the Lay of the Land.  

Friday I will go to the grocery store again and get the beef and the remaining vegetables and fruit.  I will briefly marinate the beef.  And then around noon I will braise it.  And then I will roast it for about and hour and a half.  And then let it sit.  Meanwhile I will chop the tomatoes and the mozarella and puree the pesto with balsamic and start marinating the tomatoes.  I will mix the pasta salad and put them all into containers.

Then I will begin brewing tea. 

Saturday morning I will begin chopping the meats and putting them into trays.  By noon I will be setting up a cheese/fruit display.  And before 2:00 I will have a buffet table set up and ready to go.  And then me (and my staff) will have fed 250 wedding guests.

Mickey and I are supposed to go to a dear friend's 50th birthday party at a swanky restaurant downtown.  Mickey thinks I won't be up for it.  But I think I will.

We'll see.  Wish me luck!

The Dress

I went online and ordered what I thought was the perfect dress for a formal wedding that Mickey and i are attending together next month.  It arrived today and let me say that it was less than perfect.

It's satin, yes.  But I can't begin to describe how wrinkled this dress is.   Were I to try to wear it, I would have to PAY a dry cleaner to iron it for me. 

But that's not the worst of it.  This dress that I've been anxiously anticipating is also a fucking TENT.  It's gigantic.  It's a fucking MooMoo.  Complete with elastic on the back, in case I gain the 50 pounds required to wear this fucking canopy.

I'm really pissed off that I have to drive to the post office and pay to ship this ugly ass tent back to the company.  I'm pissed that they wasted my time.  And I'm pissed that they don't, at a minimum, absorb the shipping costs for my returning it.

Tomorrow I'm going to have to drive into town, which takes about 20 minutes each way, to the post office.  I've twisted up this TENT called a dress, into a tight rope and bound it all together in duct tape and am sending it back return receipt requested.  I'm going to call and harrass these assholes until they credit my card for the bad purchase of this dog of a dress.

Now I have to go find another dress.  Assholes.

Mickey thinks I'm over-reacting.  I kicked him in the balls for suggesting it.

Conversations with God

Me:  Look at this bracelet, honey.  I think I could make and SELL these.  Whatta ya think?

Mickey:  I think you could.  Hey, what's that coat in the frame next to it?

Me:  This one?
[the coat in the picture left]

Mickey:  Yeah, that one.  You should get it.

Me:  I don't know.  It's a hundred degrees outside.  I think I can wait on a coat.

Mickey:  Why wait?  Aren't you going to need a coat this winter?

Me:  Yeah.

Mickey:  Then you should just get it.  It's velvet, right?

Me:  [looks up description]  Yeah, it's velvet.   It's really pretty.

Mickey:  Get it, then.  I want you to get it.

[so I got it!]

Catering - the Good, the Bad and the Ugly

I love catering.  The truth is, I don't need to work.  My Type-A, workaholic husband makes more than enough money for me to stay home and do nothing but give him back rubs.  (although I don't)

I occasionally take on a catering gig because I love to cook and it's an ego boost for me.  I think my food is not only above average but creative and for me, it's a chance to display my "art".  My recipes are my own.  My food kicks ass.

I'm catering a wedding next month for 200 people. They're on a budget.  I get that.  I even appreciate that.  Everyone should have a budget.  But I think the fucking tacky ass plastic flowers are enough "cut back".  Seriously.  Do you want the food to be just as lack luster?

I did a presentation several months ago with about 5 food dishes that I suggested. They chose them all.  Then they went back and made modifications. And more modifications. Then I sent a quote, which was exactly in line with the "budget" that I was given. And then what did they do?  You guessed it.   They went back and asked me for "cheaper" dishes.  WTF?  If you want plain mashed potatoes then you should have some relative boil up a bunch of potatoes and it won't cost you anything.  And no one will like the food.  But hey, it's Cheap.  And apparently that's what's important.

I am proud of myself, however, for standing up and saying, "Hey, this is your daughter's one and only wedding.  I make fantastic food.  And I am giving you a STELLAR deal within the cost parameters that YOU gave me.  I really, REALLY can't go down on my prices any more and no, I'm not dumbing down the food."

And guess what?  They're going with my menu at my prices.

Maybe the marriage will be a success after all.

Hubbel & Hudson

I love this place.  It's a fantastic gourmet market, cooking school and swanky restaurant (that uses all ingredients from the market).  It's a cook's dream - even a hack like me.

Mickey suggested it. He said, "Hey, why don't we go to Hubbel & Hudson?"  And this, is his most certain to get laid, Mating Call.

I don't know how describe this place.  But really, anything you buy from there will be awesome.  What?  You think you don't like pate?  You will love THIS pate.  You say you don't like beets?  You've never had THESE golden beets with parsley, garlic and goat cheese.  And speaking of goat cheese, even if you THINK you hate goat cheese, the goat brie that I brought home will convert you to the Joy that is cheese made from goat's milk.

And the wine... let's just say that just like the food, there is not bad wine here.  But there is no better red wine than O'Brien's Seduction.  I bought 2 bottles of this stuff plus 4 bottles of other recommended wines.

And Truffle Butter from France.  This is the most awesome stuff I've ever eaten.  I bought a baguette there and sliced it in half and dabbed a little truffle butter and broiled it for a few minutes in the oven.  O.  M.  F.  G.!!!!!!!!!!!!

Men, if you are following this blog... if you wife likes to cook at all, TAKE HER TO HUBBEL & HUDSON this coming weekend.  Not only will you get a Hummer, but your dinners for the following three nights will be AMAZING.  It's a win-win.

What to do for our impending 10 year anniversary

September 29th of this year will mark the ten year anniversary of when Mickey and I first met.   October 9th is our 5 year wedding anniversary.  I think I'm going to beat Mickey to the punch this year and do something on the 29th.  He won't be expecting it, for sure. 

But I have no idea what to do.  He's so difficult to buy for.  He buys everything he wants, for himself.  I'd like to get him something sentimental, since it's a "big" year for us. 

So I'm taking suggestions.  And to give you an idea of what the "mood" was like when he and I met, I'll paint a little picture.

My good friend Leisa had been trying for about 6 months to set the two of us up and neither Mickey nor myself wanting ANYTHING to do with a blind date.  Her description(s) didn't help matters.  Leisa told me that Mickey was a Marine who was recently divorced.  She told Mickey that I was a divorced single Mom with a 14 year old, and that I had really big boobs.

So it happened that I had nothing to do on a Friday night so Leisa invited me to her office happy hour at a bar on the lake.   Mickey was there and when I arrived, he and his buddies had already had countless numbers of shots (of Jager.  Gross!), and Mickey was red-eyed and slurring his speech.  Leisa introduced me to him and he said, "You have really nice breasts."

When we left, Leisa asked me what I thought about Mickey and I told her that he appeared to be an alcoholic but that I thought he was cute.  So she gave him my phone number.  The rest is history.

Now, HOW to commemorate that chance encounter for eternity?  I was thinking about maybe getting some shot glasses with our names and anniversary date on it.   Any other suggestions?