Conversations with God

Me:  Look at this bracelet, honey.  I think I could make and SELL these.  Whatta ya think?

Mickey:  I think you could.  Hey, what's that coat in the frame next to it?

Me:  This one?
[the coat in the picture left]

Mickey:  Yeah, that one.  You should get it.

Me:  I don't know.  It's a hundred degrees outside.  I think I can wait on a coat.

Mickey:  Why wait?  Aren't you going to need a coat this winter?

Me:  Yeah.

Mickey:  Then you should just get it.  It's velvet, right?

Me:  [looks up description]  Yeah, it's velvet.   It's really pretty.

Mickey:  Get it, then.  I want you to get it.

[so I got it!]

Catering - the Good, the Bad and the Ugly

I love catering.  The truth is, I don't need to work.  My Type-A, workaholic husband makes more than enough money for me to stay home and do nothing but give him back rubs.  (although I don't)

I occasionally take on a catering gig because I love to cook and it's an ego boost for me.  I think my food is not only above average but creative and for me, it's a chance to display my "art".  My recipes are my own.  My food kicks ass.

I'm catering a wedding next month for 200 people. They're on a budget.  I get that.  I even appreciate that.  Everyone should have a budget.  But I think the fucking tacky ass plastic flowers are enough "cut back".  Seriously.  Do you want the food to be just as lack luster?

I did a presentation several months ago with about 5 food dishes that I suggested. They chose them all.  Then they went back and made modifications. And more modifications. Then I sent a quote, which was exactly in line with the "budget" that I was given. And then what did they do?  You guessed it.   They went back and asked me for "cheaper" dishes.  WTF?  If you want plain mashed potatoes then you should have some relative boil up a bunch of potatoes and it won't cost you anything.  And no one will like the food.  But hey, it's Cheap.  And apparently that's what's important.

I am proud of myself, however, for standing up and saying, "Hey, this is your daughter's one and only wedding.  I make fantastic food.  And I am giving you a STELLAR deal within the cost parameters that YOU gave me.  I really, REALLY can't go down on my prices any more and no, I'm not dumbing down the food."

And guess what?  They're going with my menu at my prices.

Maybe the marriage will be a success after all.

Hubbel & Hudson

I love this place.  It's a fantastic gourmet market, cooking school and swanky restaurant (that uses all ingredients from the market).  It's a cook's dream - even a hack like me.

Mickey suggested it. He said, "Hey, why don't we go to Hubbel & Hudson?"  And this, is his most certain to get laid, Mating Call.

I don't know how describe this place.  But really, anything you buy from there will be awesome.  What?  You think you don't like pate?  You will love THIS pate.  You say you don't like beets?  You've never had THESE golden beets with parsley, garlic and goat cheese.  And speaking of goat cheese, even if you THINK you hate goat cheese, the goat brie that I brought home will convert you to the Joy that is cheese made from goat's milk.

And the wine... let's just say that just like the food, there is not bad wine here.  But there is no better red wine than O'Brien's Seduction.  I bought 2 bottles of this stuff plus 4 bottles of other recommended wines.

And Truffle Butter from France.  This is the most awesome stuff I've ever eaten.  I bought a baguette there and sliced it in half and dabbed a little truffle butter and broiled it for a few minutes in the oven.  O.  M.  F.  G.!!!!!!!!!!!!

Men, if you are following this blog... if you wife likes to cook at all, TAKE HER TO HUBBEL & HUDSON this coming weekend.  Not only will you get a Hummer, but your dinners for the following three nights will be AMAZING.  It's a win-win.

What to do for our impending 10 year anniversary

September 29th of this year will mark the ten year anniversary of when Mickey and I first met.   October 9th is our 5 year wedding anniversary.  I think I'm going to beat Mickey to the punch this year and do something on the 29th.  He won't be expecting it, for sure. 

But I have no idea what to do.  He's so difficult to buy for.  He buys everything he wants, for himself.  I'd like to get him something sentimental, since it's a "big" year for us. 

So I'm taking suggestions.  And to give you an idea of what the "mood" was like when he and I met, I'll paint a little picture.

My good friend Leisa had been trying for about 6 months to set the two of us up and neither Mickey nor myself wanting ANYTHING to do with a blind date.  Her description(s) didn't help matters.  Leisa told me that Mickey was a Marine who was recently divorced.  She told Mickey that I was a divorced single Mom with a 14 year old, and that I had really big boobs.

So it happened that I had nothing to do on a Friday night so Leisa invited me to her office happy hour at a bar on the lake.   Mickey was there and when I arrived, he and his buddies had already had countless numbers of shots (of Jager.  Gross!), and Mickey was red-eyed and slurring his speech.  Leisa introduced me to him and he said, "You have really nice breasts."

When we left, Leisa asked me what I thought about Mickey and I told her that he appeared to be an alcoholic but that I thought he was cute.  So she gave him my phone number.  The rest is history.

Now, HOW to commemorate that chance encounter for eternity?  I was thinking about maybe getting some shot glasses with our names and anniversary date on it.   Any other suggestions?

The Caymans pushed her over the Edge

I want to start by saying its been TEN YEARS.  10 LONG FUCKING years.

I knew this last trip would get to her.  EVERYTHING "gets to her."  It doesn't take much to push her over the edge.  She teeters there most of the time on her own.  I'd post you the last diatribe of insane text messages she sent to my husband, but we're about to enter into a lawsuit, so I can't.  But trust me, she's fucking CRA-ZEEEEEEE.

And since my wonderful husband failed to feel guilty or take all the smelly bait she threw at him, she, of course, resorted to threatening legal action.  She really and truly feels that she's been, somehow, wronged.  How dare my husband leave her and move on and DARE to be happy while she's so fucking, CONSTANTLY and perpetually miserable.

And then when the threats of legal action (ha, ha) didn't make my husband lose control of his bowels, she resorted to having both kids call Mickey (on speakerphone so she could hear his voice and imagine she's not actually being abandoned by him).

I can't wait until she gets a Psyche Eval.  Can't.  Wait.   

Not-so-interesting Factoid

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All COD's are not Created Equally

And this is not to imply that some children are inherently better or worse than others.  Quite the contrary.  I think that ALL children should be blessed with a healthy upbringing with two parents who are devoted to their well-being.  Even in cases of Divorce, it would be great for the kids if the divorced parents could put aside their differences and view their child(ren)'s upbringing as a business relationship (and not emotional). 

But that is sooooo seldom the case.  Even parents who openly proclaim their devotion to the child, post-Divorce, the truth is, likely the dysfunction and differences among the parents that resulted in them not being able to remain married, NOT EVEN FOR THE SAKE OF THE CHILDREN, also precludes those same parents from harmonizing after the Divorce.   And add into that dynamic, new significant others, step-siblings, envy, job and income changes and other life changes that affect the not-so-delicate balance of the already tenuous dynamic - the same hostilities ensue, but without the bonds of marriage to negate litigation.

Which brings me to the subject of Family Counseling.  I've spoken to several therapists who truly seemed to be able to empathize with what it REALLY means to have to remain in contact with a hostile ex, and to comprehend that when your Ex has a Personality Disorder, they just cannot be dealt with - and that all of those morays of, "for the benefit of the child," go out the window.  If the custodial parent has a Personality Disorder, there is really nothing that the non-custodial parent can do to protect his child(ren) from the emotional predator who bore them.  And in fact, being "nice" to the disordered person, is viewed as a weakness and they will forage on like vampires looking for blood, until they either drain you of all of your blood, or you put a stop to it and disengage.  In situations where one of the parents has a Personality Disorder, it is doing a huge disservice to your children by allowing the PD to pull your strings.  These children need, more than anything, to witness a positive role model in at least one of their parents.   And more importantly, the unfortunate children of the disordered personality, need to see that it is possible to stand up to these emotional vampires.  Not disengaging only results in more and more conflict.  Any therapist who can't see this, should not be doling out advice to other people.

If you're having to deal with a high-conflict ex and are seeking counsel, my advice is to phone interview any new therapist.  Ask if they specialize in Personality Disorders.