Divorce "Support" Forums

I belong to a number of Forums.  Ten years ago if someone would have suggested forums as a tool for social networking and advice, I would have poo-poo'd the idea.  Now I check my forums every day.  And the people on there have become some of my closest friends in real life.

But not all forums are helpful.  For instance, I belong to a divorce support forum.  Even though it's been almost 13 years since I went through a divorce, I joined out of curiosity and the belief that having gone through and survived a divorce, makes me an "expert" on the subject.

And while I do consider myself somewhat of an expert, I have to admit, that some of the women in this group are truly whacked out of their skulls, and are not at all interested in advice or learning from the experience of others.  And in MANY cases, I can see why their exes ran from them.

It's normal to go through a haze after divorce, where you are trying to rediscover yourself and who you are as a single person and in many cases, as a single parent.  It's normal to be angry, hurt, jealous, whatever.  But what is NOT normal or healthy is refusing to accept any responsibility for your own situation - to blame the other person entirely.  And then when their Ex moves on and finds another replacement significant other, to shift all of the blame for what went wrong in YOUR marriage, onto this unsuspecting woman.

So many times I can see this happening in early phases.  And when/if I gently point out that this belief system and behaviors are not conducive to a healthy recovery, the person posting will jump my shit and accuse me of not being "supportive."

Well alrighty, then.  Don't move on.  Ever.  Wallow in self pity for the rest of your days.  Alienate your children from their father because you are emotionally a child and you are selfish.  Blame your ex's new wife for stealing "your" husband.  Teach your children to hate and be disrespectful to this woman.  Con yourself into believing that this new woman is jealous of YOU (and not the other way around).  Every time you see your ex, try to reconcile with him - despite the fact that he has remarried and you've been rejected dozens of times before.  Have no pride, no dignity and no shame.  Date other men, but be sure and inform them that you are still in love with your ex, and that the two of you would still be together if not for that "home wrecking whore."   And by all means, whatever you do, DO NOT EVER SEE A COUNSELOR.  YOU are not the crazy person, after all.  Everyone else is crazy.

And when your kids are in their mid-twenties and figure out on their own how much harm you caused them by your refusal to "move on," and they HATE YOU... perhaps those dusty cogs in your brain can roll backwards in time, to a day when you posted in a forum and got some really sound advice from some woman who had been there and found a way out.  And you might wish that you had listened to her.

It's not too late to get the help you (and your children) need.  Most counseling is covered under insurance.  There is no excuse.