The term "retarded" is one of my most favorite and widely-used adjectives, used to describe people who are NOT intellectually challenged but rather act as if they are. Which I find offensive to all legitimately retarded people everywhere. BUT, if you are offended by my use of the adjective, "retarded" or the noun, "retard", or the shortened version, "tard", please do yourself a HUGE favor and read no further, lest I point out how fucking retarded you are.
Mickey and I lovingly refer to Lola as our Retarded child. She does retarded things like eating her own poop, chewing sheetrock, jumping on Gunny's back, running through the house at break neck speed hoping someone, ANYONE will chase after her, and licking the onions in the hanging basket.
Last week I spotted a rawhide up on an end table, and I assumed that the Cleaning Fairies had swept it from under a piece of furniture and placed it there. That is, until Mickey told me that he caught Lola putting another rawhide on the same, VERY TALL end table. Tall enough, in fact, that Gunny, who weighs the same as Lola but is a good 8 inches shorter, cannot reach it.
This made me laugh. And pause to consider that perhaps Lola is not Retarded after all. I told Mickey that was funny and he said that no, it was MEAN and Lola was not sharing her toys.
So am I supposed to stop calling her Lola and Tard and start calling her Lola the Meanie? Or how about Stingy Lola?
I don't know. She still eats her own poop. So I'm sticking with Lola the Tard.
Initially I thought you might have been speaking of someone else when you mentioned being retarded...
ReplyDeleteAnd Lola is a mere euphamism.
ReplyDeleteAnd OY is she retarded!
ReplyDeleteBut seriously, Lola's gorgeous. She's like a starlet - long and lean and taller than she should be, and though she'll never be a rocket scientist none of them other bitches are gonna get a leg-up on her!
And Gunny loves her. Which is a good thing because Gunny would defend her to the death.
ReplyDeleteKinda like me and Mickey.